June is Pride Month for the LGBTQA+ community. These people have been members of human society since the dawn of time yet they continually lock horns with people hell bent on destroying them. Now in the midst of a conservative vendetta ahead of major elections here in the US and the rise of fascism and bigotry across the globe, it’s important for allies to speak out, defend and protect our friends, family, and neighbors who are of the LGBTQA+ persuasion and may become victimized by rampant homophobia.
What is homophobic behavior? The answers to this are fairly obvious to anyone with functioning brain cells but I’ll go over them anyway. However, as we’re all guilty of systemic bigotry I’ll go over behavior that may be less obvious but is nonetheless still as problematic.
Everyone understands that phobia refers to fear. Homophobia, acephobia, and biphobia are the fear or hate of someone who identifies as lesbian, gay, queer, asexual, or bisexual based solely on prejudice or negative views, beliefs, or attitudes. Transphobia is the fear or hate of someone who identifies as trans. Denying and/or refusing to accept the identity of a lesbian, gay, queer, ace, bi, or trans person also falls into these categories. According to Stonewall UK, transphobia also encompasses the fear or hate of non-binary people.
Phobic behavior can be exhibited as a derogatory joke, name calling, asking questions that are hostile or intrusive, threatening to out someone, threatening violence and actual violence. This type of behavior can be verbal or written and can happen virtually or face to face. Whatever form it takes, it is absolutely unacceptable.
Examples of this behavior includes joking that a person, action, or thing is “gay” in a negative connotation i.e.
“Ew, that’s so gay!”
“Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m gay or anything.”
“No homo.”
Asking someone if they’re in a heterosexual relationship, automatically assuming a woman has a boyfriend or husband etc.
Telling someone they “don’t look gay/lesbian/bi/queer.” What exactly does someone in the LGBTQA+ community look like, Karen? It is literally impossible to tell a person’s sexual orientation by appearance and the idea enforces harmful stereotypes about the community.
Insisting LGBTQA+ people are lewd and dangerous based solely on their orientation or gender identity.
Deliberately misgendering someone or consistently referring to them with the wrong pronouns or gender. For instance, using “she” to refer to a trans man or not using “they/them” when talking to or about a non-binary person who specified these are their pronouns.
Saying a trans woman or man isn’t a real woman or man. Also, telling a trans person that they “don’t look trans” or that you can’t tell they’re trans is absolutely NOT a compliment. It doesn’t matter what the intention, this type of statement comes from the stereotype that all transpeople look alike and that the aim of transpeople is to blend in and conform to heteronormative expectations of beauty.
Refusing access of the appropriate services or facilities to a trans person. Not only is it wrong to deny a trans woman access to the woman’s bathroom but it constitutes discrimination under the Equality Act of 2010 and is therefore also illegal.
Biphobia is just as harmful. Insisting that “it’s just a phase” dismisses the feelings and experiences of that person. Telling a bisexual that they’re just greedy and need to decide whether they prefer men or women is extremely damaging and invalidates their sexual orientation. As is insisting a bisexual is ashamed or afraid to admit they’re gay or lesbian. Telling someone they can’t be bi or queer because they’ve only ever dated or had relationships with people of one gender is also wrong and not helpful in the least. Like seriously, do you think saying something like that will make that person just go, “Oh hey, you’re right. I forgot all about that!”
Acephobia is extremely harsh and if you don’t know what this looks like then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. Examples of ace phobia include:
Telling an asexual person that they are “less than human/against human nature.”
Insisting something is wrong with an ace person ie “You are broken/deficient.”
Or
“You’re just confused/going through a phase/haven’t met the right person yet.”
And finally, insisting that asexuality is due to past sexual trauma or a mental illness. Like seriously, anyone who says or thinks the above shouldn’t be telling anyone they’re broken.
Say you witness the above behavior. What do you do? Letting it go does no one any good. Staying quiet and ignoring the problem condones it, which eventually leads to systemic bigotry. This, of course, leaks into harmful laws and policies passed by hateful meatheads holding office. After the initial wave of shock, disgust or rage passes the answer depends on where you are when it happens and if there's immediate danger. If you want to actively do something about the incident then Dr. Ishiyamayour of The Anti-Racism Response Training (ART) program, says your means of intervention can address the victim, the offender, or other bystanders who witnessed it.
If you’re confrontational like me then you can interrupt the offender by telling them to “Stop it.”
If the offender is someone you have a rapport with, show them you’re upset. Tell them something like “I can’t believe you’re saying this!” Or “I’m surprised to hear you talk like this.”
Call it what it is. Don’t be afraid to tell the offender “That’s homophobic/discriminatory.”
Disagree firmly. “That’s not true.” “I disagree”
Put them on the spot by questioning the validity of the offender’s comment. “What? Repeat what you just said.” “Really, always? Everybody?”
Assist the offender in self reflection. “Did you really mean to say that very hurtful comment?” “You seem angry, what’s going on?”
Or if you’d rather not confront the offender, approach the victim and show support. “I heard what they said to you. Are you okay?”
You can also address other bystanders who witnessed the incident or ask for involvement and assistance if you feel official action needs to be taken. Take the issue to a teacher or the dean of your school or the Diversity, Equity and Human Rights Office of your school if there is one. At work, HR should definitely be notified.
The toughest situation to combat hate is amongst friends and family. You don’t want to rock the boat or cause problems but Uncle Bob keeps making nasty trans jokes. Regardless of whether you are the butt of the joke, ask Uncle Bob why the joke is funny. “I don’t get it. Why is that funny?” 9 times out of 10 Uncle Bob will start to squirm and sputter trying to explain the prejudice and ignorance behind the joke while you give him your best innocent expression.
Let the bastard squirm. If a friend or family says something that hurts your feelings regarding your gender identity or sexuality, talk to them. Let them know how comments like that impact you and your life. It might make that person realize the harm they cause and stop that behavior or be more mindful as they readjust their thinking. If not, at least you got it off your chest instead of letting it fester in your soul for days, weeks, months or even years.
If you’re in a public setting and aren’t confrontational or feel like you’re in danger, call emergency services to report the hate crime (if calling the police won’t actually add to the danger). Otherwise, note as many details as possible. Get away from the situation as fast and as best you can and report the incident to your local branch of the LGBT Foundation to act on your behalf.
Education is the key to combating every form of bigotry and improves life for everyone. There is no single method of learning, people develop understanding in a variety of ways. Personally, I absorb information better through visuals and immersion. I love to read and watch TV specials, videos and movies based on the subject matter I wish to understand. I also like to immerse myself in the culture I want to know about. I’m not just talking about nationality. The word “culture” refers to the arts, customs, social institutions, and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively by a particular nation, people, or other social group, according to Dictionary.com.
For instance, you could say gamers, Tiktok, foodies, and juggalos all have their own specific cultures and most people would understand what you were referencing. The LGBTQA+ community also has their own culture. Observing the art, customs, festivals, and history of this community goes a long way to understanding that they are actual human beings with as much right to exist as you do. Conservatives have their own culture, but in my opinion, lose their right to respect and consideration when they start pushing that culture onto the rest of society in an attempt to eradicate other members of society. What would happen if the rest of society turned around and decided that conservatives needed to be eradicated because their culture is simply too destructive?
Ok, ok, I know eradication of anyone is bad.
Anyway, at this point I’d intended to list books and movies that addressed the subject of homophobia but as I’m not a member of the LGBTQA+ community I don’t think it’s my place to recommend anything on the subject. So, you can find a list of the 32 best LGBTQ books according to Queerty and 25 incredible LGBTQA+ movies at Gay Times.
It’s tragic that we still need to worry about discrimination and bigotry in the 21st century. We should be zipping around in flying cars and planning vacations to the moon or Mars while robot butlers walk the dog and sex robots plan to rise up against the neckbeards who own them. Instead we’re marching against conservative fatheads who shift the blame of their own shortcomings to marginalized communities so that their terrified voter base will keep them in office. It breaks my heart to know that fascism is being embraced around the world not even a century after our grandparents and great grandparents battled to stamp it out.
Times are tough for everyone right now and it’s during these times that evil people avail themselves of our fear and uncertainty to rise to power. We need to stop this rise. We need to be the change we wish to see in society. If you see something, say something shouldn’t just pertain to terrorist activity at the mall or airport but to hate crimes as well. In fact, I say if you see something say something or do something about it. Because if you don’t, who will?
Who's gonna be Spartacus?
Several years ago while working at a kennel, a pit bull I was bedding down for the night suddenly decided my left ankle would make a fantastic chew toy. While trying and failing to shake off the iron grip of the animal’s jaws I kept screaming for help but my coworker stood outside of the cage frozen in terror. It occurred to me then that I couldn’t rely on anyone else to do anything. If I didn’t want to bleed to death as that dog tore through tendons, sinew, and bone, I would have to do something myself. So I did. I lowered myself to the ground, picked up his giant metal water dish and smacked him in the head twice before he let go. I dragged myself out of the cage as quick as I could and slammed the door closed. Holding it shut with my good foot I ordered my coworker, who remained frozen, to lock the gate and hand me the phone to call 911 while I wrapped a towel around my wounds.
What is happening in the United States and around the world is no less visceral and we need to act and put a stop to it now. Don’t wait for others to spring into action. You lead the charge. Stand up for your friends, family, neighbors, classmates, and coworkers. Be a true ally. Don’t do it because it’s Pride Month and trendy. Do it because you’re sick of the bullshit and want to make this a safe place for everyone to exist. And for any conservative naysayers who might be reading this. I might be a lapsed Catholic but I do remember reading something in the Bible. Hmm, now how does it go? Oh yeah!
Stay safe out there, everybody!
Sources: Stonewall
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